Normal

Ordinary. Expected. Routine.

All I can think about these days is how to return to normal. I used to delight in being different, mostly; now it seems nearly shameful that I would relish anything but being normal. I would love to blend into the walls, hide away in a crowd of people who won’t glance twice at me. Instead I stay in bed, hoping that when I wake up things will be back to normal.

I suppose this is the great sadness talking. The last few weeks have been slowly sucking me into a bleak place. It’s familiar. Like family should be. Now there’s so many families to blend together I have no sense of what is familiar. Just the sadness. That is more and more comfortable as the days wear on.

This is the happiest reunion I’ve ever heard about, read about, lived, and yet it’s still so much to bear. How on earth does the life-altering change into the new normal? I have no concept of what that will even be.

I recognize the signs in myself when I know the darkness is layering on. I have an appointment with someone who specializes in reunions...get this...it’s on my birthday. Can someone ask Alanis if that’s ironic please?

I’ll let you know when I’m back to my new normal.