I was told that last week by a very dear, sweet gentleman. I'm sure it was meant as a sign of interest in me, and as a sincere compliment; he's enjoying learning about the addition to his extended family.
Instead of a compliment, I took it as a scary fact. My life is out there! For the world to judge. Not only my life, but also those of whose emails I've shared. My new family. Funny story about that...Linda's brother found out about his niece's favourite author by reading her email to me, on the blog. Oh, to live that one down! How can we share more about our lives on a blog than in real life?
I think I've felt fairly anonymous writing my story up to this point. I know my parents are reading it, my new family reads it (some of them religiously...), some of my facebook friends are reading it, that some fellow bloggers (strangers from afar) have taken interest. But now I know that people I will be meeting, that will likely be a part of my life to some extent, are reading it even prior to meeting me. That is a weird feeling. Very weird.
I feel I should issue a little challenge to you. You know who you are. You haven't commented on a post yet and you don't publicly follow the blog. Unless you do something like that, you're getting all the benefit of this one-sided relationship, and I'm just getting one more hit on my blog counter. I'd love for you to introduce yourself...you don't have to share your life story, that can still be my half of the relationship. In fact, I'm truly honoured and very appreciative that you would spend your valuable time reading about my life.
I guess what I'm saying is, I'd rather know you're around now. Otherwise, the first time we meet I'll shake hands with you, and you'll say "I've read your entire blog and I feel like I already know you." Then I'll have this awkward moment where I fumble for words like, "thank you?" or "are you 'hog11'?" And then, I'll have to write a blog post about you...
I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing people that I know in real life were reading my blog. I would feel like it was an invasion of my privacy even though I put it out there. I think I would find myself either softening my thoughts or I could even get mean if I thought my Mom was reading it.
ReplyDelete@birthmothertalks I appreciate that; I think I've been pretty honest about most things, but I have probably been a lot more sensitive about what I choose to share than if I was completely anonymous. However, I won't be sending Camille the link anytime soon...I do have some boundaries!
ReplyDeleteGood news: you get to know the authentic Haley, just like everyone else :)
Hi Haley,
ReplyDeleteI'm a lurker! I just started a blog that I'm slowly sharing with people. Now you can lurk back!
@lokey Thanks for introducing yourself! I look forward to reading your blog :)
ReplyDeleteI think you are very brave to share this with your real-life family/friends. Not because anything I write isn't true, but because it is my deepest truths and feelings!
ReplyDeletei've read your whole blog too because of all the blogs i've read, this is probably the only one that includes more actual emails than thoughts, descriptions, etc. so it's very unique.
ReplyDeletei'm not an adoptee but regardless of my ability to have biological children, God (yes, i share your faith!) has laid it on my heart that i will adopt either exclusively or in addition to bio kids. so i've committed to learning all that i can about how adoptees feel, not just from literature published by agencies or studies but from actual adoptees who blog their innermost thoughts, experiences, and emotions.
i will be praying for you as you continue on your journey, as well as your bio & adoptive families and your husband. they ALL sound like amazing people! and of course i'll be praying for camille's healing as well.
in Him,
michelle
@Susie Brave is my middle name ;)
ReplyDelete@Michelle Thanks for reading! I've read a lot of different adoption blogs too, ranging from very angry to very happy 'fantasyland' blogs. I hope to be a fairly balanced viewpoint of adoption and reunion instead. We have quite a few friends who are seeking to adopt; it's a hard journey. But God never told us we would have easy lives as followers of Christ :)
Hi Haley! I've been "lurking" on your blog for a while as well. I find your story incredibly fascinating, and I think you do a wonderful job telling it. I'm not adopted, but my husband I have considered adoption in the future, if I am unable to conceive on my own. Thanks again!
ReplyDelete@Jessica Hi Jessica! Thank you for reading :) I find it fascinating to live it too...
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Sara. I love reading your blog....I am a birthmom to a 22 year old son who I hope to reunite with in person later this summer - I have other young children and so I love reading your blog to get a peak into what my son may be feeling and it gives me hope that I, my husband and young children may be able to build something lovely with him as well....
ReplyDelete@Sara Gosh, I am so happy you're reading the blog! I hope it's given a good picture of reunion. Can be extremely emotional and yet very good.
ReplyDeleteI think that the advice that my newly added Dad would give you is to keep your expectations low. He keeps telling me that so we can be happy with small steps, small victories; and the disappointments don't have to be as tragic as I let them get.
It's such a blessing in my life; but my first reunion was very painful. It can be very hard when you're not ready for it. I truly hope that everything goes well for you. It's a miracle for me to be a part of more than one loving family now!
Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI have your blog because your brother Daniel posted it, and I happened to see it.
I am also adopted, and I would like to thank-you for putting your story out here. I myself would love to start a relationship with my biological parents, and allowing me to take this journey with you means a lot.
Blessings, Smiles, and Prayers,
"Belief"
Hi Haley, Yes, I've read your whole blog and love your style and the person that shines through on the screen. I wasn't an adoptee but rather illegitimate. I grew up with my maternal siblings and am so very grateful, had I not had my siblings, I used to think that being adopted would have been nice because at least that way you'd know someone wanted you. Wow, that sounds like a sad soul speaking, not the intent, just want you to know that there is always someone wishing they had what you have. That being said, I've never know a person adopted or abandoned who didn't long to know "where" they came from. I have had some reunions with my paternal family, some of that reunion has been more wonderful and gracious than my wildest dreams could have ever prepared me, and others have been so hurtful that words fail to describe the agony and shame I feel in purposefully putting myself in that situations. I love your blog and have thought should I blog myself as a tool to direct the non-stop mental words to someone other than my husband, than I think of how dangerous that is with so many souls that are already hurting because of my very existence, than I think perhaps I should try to help others struggling with rejection. Overwhelming is the best word. Thanks for your inspiration. I hope you keep it up. If I do choose to start, I will for sure let you know. ~ With God's Love..
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