Reunion; Take Two

I haven't heard from my biological mother, Camille, in about five and a half years. I sent her flowers a few weeks ago. A bouquet of gerber daisies, if you're curious. I remember when I visited her home, on our very first meeting, she had gerber daisies out on her dining room table. They are one of my favourite flowers, so naturally I commented on them. Camille told me they were her favourite. Funny how I vividly remember those flowers, and yet everything else from that night is a blur.

Why on earth would I subject myself to further rejection? I'm not sure. Perhaps I'm just a sucker for punishment. Or hopelessly optimistic...

Dear Camille,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and felt compelled to write to you. I’m so sorry that our first reunion didn’t work out. It was very difficult for everyone involved, but I can’t help think it was hardest on you.

You’re the one with the painful memories of a teenage mother, who seemingly had no choices. You’re the one with hurts as an adult of probably the worst timing for a reunion, when you were trying to start your own family. It makes me cry just to think of this sorrow that I brought back up to the surface for you. I know sorry isn’t a big enough word, but it’s all I can give.

I’m not writing to bring back bad memories, though I’m sure I have even by having my name on the outside of this envelope...instead I just want you to know that I’m still here. I’ve grown up a bit more, have a few more years behind me, a few more grey hairs, and a bit more life experience to know that I should have been a lot kinder and more gracious in our first reunion.

I hope you are doing well. I think of you often, and wonder how life has been to you these last few years. I’ll be turning 28 in a couple of months. Wow time flies. Life’s too short for me not to give this relationship another try.

Lesson learned for next time: slower is better. I still can’t believe we met on the very first night! So much for my impulsive teenager-like tendencies! I promise I’ve grown up past that, well, mostly!

Let me just close with, I’m still here. Still interested in knowing you. 

Haley

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It's been a few weeks now. Still haven't heard anything from her. If I'm very honest with you, I'm not surprised. Disappointed? Hmmmm, mildly. But I have many people in my life that love me, care about me, actually want to invest time in me. I can't get hung up on the one that doesn't. Well, I could, but I'll try not to...