Monday, 6 June 2011


Email to Haley, from Kevin; March 20, 2011

Good Morning Haley,

We watched the movie Secretariat after we went for a bike ride to the gelato shack in town. And it was during that movie that I read your e-mail, but I couldn't respond just then. The movie was terrific, I would recommend it, but your note left me with not much to say - which anyone here would tell you that's impossible. It was terrific to see you and Nick as well, skype is indeed good at helping the overwhelm.

I certainly appreciate your comment regarding flying blind as for sure you don't have the benefit of knowing the rest of our family; after some reflection I think we would have preferred not to make some of the comments about your voice or mannerisms that might be similar to others in my family. We forget we're new to you. And that there are 5 of us!

Expectations are crazy things, huh?

I can't speak to the TV shows you mentioned, I watch the news, MASH, The Dragon's Den, and CFL football; but that's pretty much it, we didn't even have cable until the CBC lost the football rights to TSN! I do know that lots of tv is a train wreck! So best not to set our expectations off of what's on tv.

I really don't know what my expectations are Haley. We would love to have you and Nick for a weekend if you guys would like that. I'm certainly ok wih phone calls and going slowly, as I know we are starting with very little other than perhaps desire to know more about where we come from and our history. We're just going to have to muddle our way.


Haley, there's no such thing as screwing it up. 

When you told me about your history with Camille I felt very badly about your experience for you, and for Camille and her husband as well, I couldn't imagine how hard it was for all of you.

So back to not screwing it up; we're trying to find our way you and I, and Linda and Nick are caught in the crossfire! I'm thinking there are times where they are thinking, 'what is happening here?'...there are so many layers its mind boggling, so as I've said to Linda, let's keep it simple. Keeping it simple will help us determine where to go and how fast and all that stuff. If I were to die today (I have no such plans!) I'd be very happy with what we have been able to share with each other in the past few weeks.

Frankly I'm very proud of how you and I have made out since your first e-mail. Especially when you consider our limited experience with these types of situations :) !

My cell number is _________, our home number is _________. Phone anytime.

Have a super day Haley, I hope I haven't thrown too much at you here; for me, I'm very supportive of you (and by extension Nick) and whatever speed you two want to go at is good for me.


I don't know what to say. I think I finally understand that this reunion can be different. Kevin's letting me set the pace; He can handle my desperate emails; I don't know what I can do that will push them away. Being accepted just as I am is a strange feeling that I'm not used to. I'm unsure of how to process this. 


  1. AnonymousJune 06, 2011

    Cool blog Haley, best ever!!!

  2. Thanks for sharing your insight on meeting the whole family. I never really thought about how the adoptees get a bunch of new family members compared to only one the other way around.

  3. @birthmothertalks The good part of that for me is there are five of them to interact with, so my need for constant contact is very well met :)

  4. Haley, I am very happy that your needs for constant contact is well met. I can understand that need. Sometimes, for me I can never get enough of my daughter. My sons and I are meeting her for dinner tomorrow. It's the 4th time I have seen her and the second time they have seen her. I really don't know how my kids feel about their sister. I think it's hard to really use the term sister when they went years not being able to freely talk about having one. I have heard them use the term "half" and I told them not to use it. I used the reasoning that no one goes around calling their Mom "Half Mom" since they share genes with their father. Well, I rambled on enough.

  5. @birthmothertalks I hope you have a great dinner! That seems like so few visits. That must be tough. I agree about the 'half' sibling thing. It's certainly not the wording I'd choose. I know it must be such a challenge on your sons. Huge adjustment! I guess time may heal that difficulty? Who knows. Good for you for continuing to move forward with your relationship, and encouraging your sons to visit her again. These relationships don't just happen, there's work to do to build them!