Saturday, 14 May 2011

A Very Delicate Situation

Email to Linda, from Haley; March 15, 2011

Oh dear! I learned not to open personal email at work, because I had a serious break down today! Your email was so accepting and honest, I was able to hear your heart. That's no small accomplishment via email :) Thank you for the warm welcome.

I was so nervous to share that I am a Christian, but I'm so grateful now that we can share that faith. Thank you for being open about that with me. It's a significant part of my life too.

Your dear ones! I have been so focused on thinking about what a big change this is for me, I didn't fully think about what a huge change this will be for them. I didn't know you had told them yet, but thank you for being so candid about their reactions. It makes it real for me to know they have some processing to do too. There's no disappointment on my end; you know what they can handle and I trust that you will be as gentle with them as you can in this very delicate situation.

It's a delight to have heard from you Linda. Thank you again for the kind words and for sharing from the heart. I can't wait until Saturday!

I told Kevin before that my productivity is way down...well I told my boss today that I haven't really been "mentally present" lately and he laughed and said "whenever I have a new grandchild, I'm not here either. You gained a whole family. You're high functioning enough of the time to have a few weeks of being a bit slower!". What a great boss :)



Email to Kevin, from Haley; March 15, 2011

Good morning Kevin,

I was so excited to get an email from Linda, she sounds wonderful. I think you're very blessed!

It's totally fine to Skype just the adults. I want you to go as slow as they need. I can't imagine the shock factor for those dear ones! I'm glad you're not rushing them.


Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep, so I listen to podcasts of old radio shows, or Wiretap. I downloaded some more Vinyl Cafe to add to the list. :)



It's amazing to me that much of the anxiety of the reunion is fading just from knowing that Linda is ok with it; I know how much it means to me that Nick is supportive of the reunion. Now, I think of my siblings and my heart aches for them.

Imagine you are 9 years old (or 12 or 14), and your parents sit you down and tell you that your Dad has another child. Even now, when I know what their reaction was, I still have a hard time thinking about this. It's not the romantic, long-lost daughter story line that would fit in well in any soap opera. It's losing the image of an infallible father. It's confusing and difficult to understand. It's shaking up a world that you're very comfortable in.



    On a side note, imagine being 17 and finding out that you have a long lost FULL sibling that Mommy and Daddy have kept a secret from everyone. How are you supposed to feel about that? My sisters don't know about me yet. And I hate that it will cause them pain. Isn't it funny that we care so much for people that we have yet to meet (or at least that's my situation)?


  2. @Jenn I think that's the most heartbreaking part of your tale. Even more so than your bio-mom's actions. It's absolutely true that you can love them without even knowing them! I understand. I truly hope that you'll be able to connect with them someday. *hug back*