A Very Delicate Situation

Email to Linda, from Haley; March 15, 2011

Oh dear! I learned not to open personal email at work, because I had a serious break down today! Your email was so accepting and honest, I was able to hear your heart. That's no small accomplishment via email :) Thank you for the warm welcome.

I was so nervous to share that I am a Christian, but I'm so grateful now that we can share that faith. Thank you for being open about that with me. It's a significant part of my life too.

Your dear ones! I have been so focused on thinking about what a big change this is for me, I didn't fully think about what a huge change this will be for them. I didn't know you had told them yet, but thank you for being so candid about their reactions. It makes it real for me to know they have some processing to do too. There's no disappointment on my end; you know what they can handle and I trust that you will be as gentle with them as you can in this very delicate situation.

It's a delight to have heard from you Linda. Thank you again for the kind words and for sharing from the heart. I can't wait until Saturday!

I told Kevin before that my productivity is way down...well I told my boss today that I haven't really been "mentally present" lately and he laughed and said "whenever I have a new grandchild, I'm not here either. You gained a whole family. You're high functioning enough of the time to have a few weeks of being a bit slower!". What a great boss :)

Blessings,
Haley
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Email to Kevin, from Haley; March 15, 2011

Good morning Kevin,

I was so excited to get an email from Linda, she sounds wonderful. I think you're very blessed!

It's totally fine to Skype just the adults. I want you to go as slow as they need. I can't imagine the shock factor for those dear ones! I'm glad you're not rushing them.

(...)

Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep, so I listen to podcasts of old radio shows, or Wiretap. I downloaded some more Vinyl Cafe to add to the list. :)

Blessings,
Haley
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It's amazing to me that much of the anxiety of the reunion is fading just from knowing that Linda is ok with it; I know how much it means to me that Nick is supportive of the reunion. Now, I think of my siblings and my heart aches for them.

Imagine you are 9 years old (or 12 or 14), and your parents sit you down and tell you that your Dad has another child. Even now, when I know what their reaction was, I still have a hard time thinking about this. It's not the romantic, long-lost daughter story line that would fit in well in any soap opera. It's losing the image of an infallible father. It's confusing and difficult to understand. It's shaking up a world that you're very comfortable in.

The First Pictures

I sent my photos on Monday night and then I received the first photos from Kevin on Tuesday morning, while at work.

Hotmail does this thing where the photos are at the top of the email, in a preview mode, and then the email message is below. So I just opened the photos without reading the message.

The first photo was of my three siblings and, is that Kevin? Wow, if I'm being honest here, he looks really old for 45. But he looks very familiar...no wait, that's Stuart McLean. Embarrassing mistake! Even if it was just in my head! I think I need to read the email message before I continue looking at these photos.

Hi Haley,

Here are a few photos of us, the first one is of Daniel, Amy, & Sarah with Stuart McLean of the Vinyl Café (CBC) when we got hauled up on stage. The next two are of my wife Linda and daughter Amy at a Christmas light show, then Dan & myself at same show. Wouldn’t be right if we didn’t have a photo of the dog in there…his name is Danny.

Kevin

OK, I'll admit that I cried when I looked through the photos, but that's just between you and I. What a beautiful family. They look so friendly! Oh, the dog is adorable. I love dogs, and this one looks like a keeper. I quickly call the ladies I work with in to see the pictures. I'm pretty sure there are no dry eyes in the place.

This makes it feel more real. Up to now it's just been a few short words back and forth, meaningful yes, but just words. To see Kevin's face, to see my siblings, to see Linda...it's overwhelming. I am completely ruined for the rest of the day. This starts a horrible decline in my efficiency.