Dear Mom and Dad,
I've tried calling you every night this week, and the phone just rings and rings. I need to tell you before the world finds out my news. Sometimes I'm relieved though, I don't know how to tell you that I'm trying this reunion thing again. It was so hard on all of us last time, I can only hope that this time is different.
I've had such a good life so far. I am so thankful for everything you have done for me. You gave me unconditional love and support from the moment I was placed in your arms. I had every opportunity and privilege as your child. I was accepted and cherished as though I was your biological daughter. I remember seeing the pleased look in your eyes whenever someone would say, "Haley you look so much like your Mom", or "Haley you look so much like your Dad". It was one more blessing that God gave us as a family, that I even looked like both of you.
I learned so much from each of you. How to be empathetic, how to care for those around me, how to be a good parent (well, I guess time will tell if I learned that one!). Mom you taught me your faith, Dad you taught me how to teach others. I am eternally grateful that I am like each of you in different ways.
Searching for biological parents is not an easy decision. The number one barrier to searching is the horrible feeling that you may possibly hurt your real parents, the ones who raised, nurtured and loved you. Somehow the curiosity became overwhelming, and the hope I have in searching is balanced by the security I have knowing that you will still be there for me. Whether I am rejected again by my biological mother, whether I am left unnoticed by my biological father. You will be there, and I am confident of that. How blessed am I to be able to say that without reservation. There are many children who could not say that of their parents.
I don't know how else to say thank you, or that I'm sorry if you feel like you weren't enough. You are enough, and you will always be enough. For an adoptee there's always the biological question mark on their heart. That's just the way it is, I can't explain it.
I love you both!
Perhaps I'll be able to remember some of these words when I tell you...
I've tried calling you every night this week, and the phone just rings and rings. I need to tell you before the world finds out my news. Sometimes I'm relieved though, I don't know how to tell you that I'm trying this reunion thing again. It was so hard on all of us last time, I can only hope that this time is different.
I've had such a good life so far. I am so thankful for everything you have done for me. You gave me unconditional love and support from the moment I was placed in your arms. I had every opportunity and privilege as your child. I was accepted and cherished as though I was your biological daughter. I remember seeing the pleased look in your eyes whenever someone would say, "Haley you look so much like your Mom", or "Haley you look so much like your Dad". It was one more blessing that God gave us as a family, that I even looked like both of you.
I learned so much from each of you. How to be empathetic, how to care for those around me, how to be a good parent (well, I guess time will tell if I learned that one!). Mom you taught me your faith, Dad you taught me how to teach others. I am eternally grateful that I am like each of you in different ways.
Searching for biological parents is not an easy decision. The number one barrier to searching is the horrible feeling that you may possibly hurt your real parents, the ones who raised, nurtured and loved you. Somehow the curiosity became overwhelming, and the hope I have in searching is balanced by the security I have knowing that you will still be there for me. Whether I am rejected again by my biological mother, whether I am left unnoticed by my biological father. You will be there, and I am confident of that. How blessed am I to be able to say that without reservation. There are many children who could not say that of their parents.
I don't know how else to say thank you, or that I'm sorry if you feel like you weren't enough. You are enough, and you will always be enough. For an adoptee there's always the biological question mark on their heart. That's just the way it is, I can't explain it.
I love you both!
Perhaps I'll be able to remember some of these words when I tell you...
sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteall brilliantly true!
:)
This is so overwhelming and wonderful and a relief. If our son ever tries to find his birth parents it will be terrifying. They were 17 & 38 when he was conceived. I dont know everything about them but I know enough. I know they have a long way to go before I would EVER be comfortable with him spending time getting to know them. The drugs, the abuse, the homelessness... I'm not sure where "Camille" is but it seems like "Kevin" is a good man. I'm loving your story and cant wait to read more! -LMR
ReplyDelete